Look a post!

So it's been nearly a week since my last post, which pretty much shows how distracted I get. I had a semi busy week. I finally started going to my real house to clean everything with vinegar and put it all in boxes so that we can tear out the carpet, get rid of any remaining mold spores, and eventually put in all the new carpet so that we can finally have our house back. I put off going and helping out my family far too long but I realize that if I'm so tired of living at my grandparents' house and being crammed in a tiny room with two sisters and three wardrobes (probably more like 4 since mine is equal to 2) I need to ignore my laziness and soreness and unmotivated feelings and help. I'm proud I'm actually doing something but now it reminds me of all the other things I need to do besides the overwhelming project of fixing our house. So now I must move down my list as I continue to help with the house. Things to do include: Getting a job, Start riding again because who am I kidding I can't live without it, Find a place for ballroom lessons, sign up for fall classes, sell clothes and books because I have so many nice ones that would make people very happy, work out a lot again and make myself feel better, Schedule doctors appointments, and so much more. I haven't been feeling well the last few days because my muscles have been even more achey, so I only helped with the house and didn't ride or anything like I wanted. I also watched the Klick's house and doggy this weekend which was kind of nice because I got to sleep in an actual bed and had a nice retreat for myself. It was nice because I didn't have to feel bad for not feeling well and just wanting to lay down and veg out. No eyes of my super grandma looking down on me because "GASP" I'm a regular lazy American youngster who wants to rest after a long semester. No arguments or judgemental critical comments. Just peace and quiet and the occasional wimper of Sparky the very helpless partially blind schnauzer and persistent meowing of....that gray lion cat of Sam's. Of course the tv with it's universal remote was like rocket science but a few calls to greg helped me figure out how to work the thing so I could watch lots of pointless but entertainingly girly shows and Women's Entertainment television (which had tons of shows on weddings and was a bad influence). I wish I was back at their house, it was so much more peaceful. I also enjoyed going to the Milyard's house with my family (minus my grandparents) and watching season 4 of Lost. It was nice to spend time with my family and our friends. I forgot how much more peaceful and relaxing just being with my family was. Jessi, alea's chinese roommate from san diego also is in town until wednesday and she is very sweet and very bubbly. It has been fun hanging out with alea and her. We even got BOBA! yay! I do feel slightly more up beat but still a bit stressed but it helped that I finally broke down and cried on my parents shoulders about everything going on with me.  Hopefully a doctor's visit will result and I will not hole everything inside so much.

Love ,

Micha

P.s. On another note dustin found out he is being transferred to the OSA in Fashion Square which his managers claim is for good reasons but dustin is a little stressed about it, so I'm a bit stressed for him. But I have faith in him and if it's everything his manager claim it to be than it should be a good thing. Let's pray it is a blessing in disguise.

Bekah's Birthday.

Today, well actually yesterday technically was bekah's birthday.It was fun she got to do a lot of fun stuff and I even got a pedicure out of it but I can't help but feel kind of crappy now. It was hard for me to keep a smile on my face today and it was hard for me to have the energy to have fun and tag along to all of my wonderful sister's Birthday activities. I feel like crap, I have for awhile. I feel tired every day, and achey, and angry and bitter. I can't really explain why but I find myself withdrawn and resentful. On the outside I may not act withdrawn or tired or achey but I inside I feel like a mess. Tonight I felt invisible. Maybe I'm just selfish and I got too used to being the spoiled youngest child my whole life but it seems like I used to be totally fine with celebrating my sisters' birthday and giving them attention and now I feel like it's a strain because I feel like I have been invisible for awhile. I don't really think it is any one's fault but my own or maybe it's our circumstances fault but I still resent.  Maybe I don't ask for help enough, or maybe I don't complain or demand enough maybe I've been too wrapped up in my own life to be part of the family so now no one notices. I've tried to tell people how I feel, how I've had mood swings, and have been bitter, and sore, and tired, and unmotivated, and depressed hoping that I would be taken seriously enough to be sent to the doctor or asked if I needed help. I mean I have had cyst problems for years and have needed to see the specialist for at least a year. I've dealt with the pain and nausea forever and was sent to the hospital first. I probably sound childish but I can't help but be jealous and hurt that my sister gets to see a specialist first.  It's not her fault, she has been pretty sick for a year I do understand I'm just being jealous and petty. But, I'm tired. I just want to be taken seriously. Being the youngest has its downfalls, I'm not taken as seriously until someone wants to lecture me or point out something I do that they may not like or remind me how I'm so young. I love my family but I think right now the way I feel is distancing me from them. I almost feel as if sometimes I'm just a fly on the wall observing my family interact, and observing some robot who is acting as myself try to get attention.

Micha

P.s. On a funny note since this may be a bit depressing, my dad and I decided that I should call him Papi from now on. Haha I love his random goofiness.

I am awful at creating appropriate titles.

Well, Chelsea Smith did it again! She inspired me, inspired me to start my own blog nonetheless. I pity every person who has to sit here and read the innermost thoughts of my own entirely overly complex mind. Really, I do. Especially Dustin and Chelsea who by some way or another are my closest friends and therefore must read it for fear of hurting my feelings.  But such is life so no one can complain too much. Well I have always tried to journal because I find that it makes me feel good to write out some of my deepest thoughts since I cannot express them verbally as eloquently as I can write them. So this is it. This is my way of journaling, and hopefully I will find comfort and enjoyment in it, and maybe be able to tell if I am okay at this writing stuff. So we will see. Eventually I may be writing about the good, the bad, and the ugly on this wonderful blog, but for now, as to kind of slowly submerge (I have no idea if that is the proper word but use your imagination peoples) all my readers in to boiling water (like a lobster) I am not going to write anything deep or feeling today and will instead end with this silly little introduction. To warn my readers, I have forgotten nearly all of my grammar and punctuation schooling so my blogs will use poor punctuation, probably poor vocabulary, and possibly poor story lines. Also, to warn my readers again, Don't tell me how horrible my punctuation is because...I already know. Hope you enjoy!